This one's raw. My feelings are all over the place when it comes to the man who married my mother in Washington, DC in 1964 and was there to (welcome?) me into the world in December of 1965. I don't like him most days lately, and I haven't liked him on many days in previous years... I've had a lot of deeply held resentment, embarrassment on his behalf, frustration, and a sense of his having little or no regard for who I am. And those were during the years when I actually knew where he was and had some sort of contact, communication, and relationship with him. From eight years old until I was twenty-five, I had none of the above. Those were the lost years, and I don't really know how I feel about them except that I was aware that he was absent. It takes a lot of energy to think about this. I'll have to come back to it and write a bit at a time. For now, here's a song that makes me think of my father. It's from a whole movie about a father and son, in fact, called Smoke Signals.
Father and Farther
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